You can’t skip

You can’t skip chapters. 

I read a poem today and that was the first line. You can’t skip chapters. Imagine if you had, what could’ve been different, what different choices would you have made, would you be you?

every person, every decision, every… well everything… has brought you to be the person you are today and regardless of whether you are happy with who you are, at this moment, you are here and that is something. 

I for one am not happy, nor am I sad, but I read this poem today and I realized, I’m okay because I looked back and there where moment where I was most definitely not okay. I was in love and then I wasn’t, I was so heartbroken I could barely sleep, I was on top of the world and then I was no one. Yet I made it through that. Relationships have a funny way of affecting us, even when we don’t want them to. They make us weak and teach us humility and they make us strong and teach us self-worth. I don’t think I would be the person I am today if it wasn’t for the boy that broke my heart or the poor man that got caught up in my troubled heart yet taught me, I was worthy of love. And I definitely wouldn’t have evolved into the person I am today if I wasn’t in the relationship I am in today. 

It’s hard. Life. Is. Hard. 

And it doesn’t stop being hard, but it is also so fucking beautiful. It is so easy for us to look at other people and think “wow this person is perfect” and maybe they are, but we didn’t know them when they weren’t so perfect, so we don’t know if we would’ve love them then. 

But you know you, and you know what got you to this moment and this moment is beautiful. Even if you’re hurt, sad, happy, indifferent… whatever you may be feeling, feel it because this is your story and you have all the fucking say in it. 

So if you hate, change it. 

If you love it, keep it. 

If you’re just there, then be there. 

There is no rush, there is no timeline, there is only right now. 

Passion

My 10-year high school reunion is next year. Like… what?

I only know this because I recently got a DM from some guy I went to school with asking me if I would be interested in attending a 10-year high school reunion if there was one. I obviously said, of course! I would be down.

But am I? really? 

I know on my last post I talked about how unsuccessful I feel and how I would be ashamed to show up to my reunion with really nothing to offer or talk about. Thankfully I did get DMs and messages back on the post of people who pretty much feel the same way as I do. It felt good to not feel alone and to understand that man, believe it or not, people might want my life. That’s just wow. 

I did get a question from one of my followers as we talked about our struggles and that question was:

What is your passion?

And I couldn’t answer him. He was able to give me an amazing explanation as to what his passion was and I just kept thinking, what is my passion?

They say if you do something you love you’ll never work a day in your life, but what if you don’t know what it is you genuinely and unconditionally love. I mean I could tell you about things I like some being fashion, being able to have a creative outlet, traveling…. Honestly just making this list is probably taking longer than it should. This isn’t something that I’ve just recently realized it’s something I’ve always know. I love things for a certain amount of time and then once I do them, I realize, maybe I didn’t really like it that much. So how do you find your passion? How do you find that one thing you just can’t live without? That you will work day in and day out. Something that constantly brings you happiness? and hopefully money.

How did you guys find your passion? If you have?

My mom asked me the other day, what is the goal with your blog? And I told her I didn’t know; it is an outlet for me to talk about things in my life in hopes of finding people who feel the same way. Then I started to think maybe that is the problem with me. I do things without having a set goal or what I want the outcome to be. I pretty much just do it and see what happens. Maybe it’s an undercover fear of failure, who knows, the less importance I give it the less it’ll matter if it doesn’t happen. But the thing about passion is that it becomes an important factor in your life, I mean it may very well become your life. You live, sleep and breathe it and it makes you so happy.  So how do you find it?

I want to be able to wake up every morning and love my life and what I do. I am scared of becoming the person who waits for weekends or 5pm to start my life and to feel happy. I don’t want to think that “dammit tomorrow is Monday” I want to think “Can’t wait for this week!”

Is this even real? Does a person like that even exist or am I asking for too much? at what point do people get the courage to say “Fuck this job, I’m going to go do something I really love” and how do they do it? how do I just go off and travel the world? or sell ice cream in a beach in Hawaii?

more importantly guys, how can we create a life we are in love with?

send me your answers and thoughts on all this crazy talk ❤